Truth and Trust

Two important things God is teaching me about are Truth and Trust.
It's amazing to me that when God is teaching or showing me something it seems to show up everywhere in everything. That's so like Him though isn't it? We ask Him to help us, to show us, to guide us, to lead us and then when His help or guidance shows up we're kind of surprised! I can always tell I'm still circling around the lesson. (so to speak) I haven't got everything He wants me to get out of it yet, because everywhere I look, everything I read is about what He's teaching me. I just thank Him that while I'm still "getting His mind on a matter " He doesn't run out of patience or grace with me.
So, right now it's Truth and Trust ! Like two pillars or maybe even two rocks that are the foundation underneath. He's building upon these two things and I think they have to really be SOLID. Or well understood before He lays on the next block.
Truth is huge - He is the Truth, He wants truth in our deepest parts.... does that mean the REAL me that no one really knows? The deep part of me that thinks she has things figured out according to my own truth rather than God's Truth? Does it matter that I have my own truth and God has another? I believe that is at the core of restlessness, of striving, of disappointment and ultimately what we wrestle against. His Truth in me is warring against the truth I've formed on my own - constantly keeping me in a silent battle. What THINGS have I formed my own opinion or my own truth about? Maybe who I am? How did I come up with my opinion about me? If I were to tell you who I am I would start with my family, my genealogy, where I grew up, who my parents were, what I did, what I've loved, who I've loved, who I've met. But does all of that really tell God's Truth about who I am? Wasn't God in all of that ? Of course He was. So how did I miss who He said I was? How or when did I begin to form my own opinion about who I am.? Maybe it's little by little...like building blocks we begin building this image of who we are and then one day we look up and start comparing what our image looks like to others. Or maybe we form an opinion about ourselves that isn't in agreement with what God says and keep building on that until eventually it looks bigger and more impressive to others and THEY say it's true, we say it's true ... so it MUST be true. Let's try a word picture here:
Using building blocks we start off with a base and little by little we add more to one side than another...but it's very subtle and even correctable but eventually it's dramatically leaning in one direction. It's hard to tell after a while where the "leaning" occurred. Where is the fork in the road? Those individual blocks might represent ideas or philosophy we embraced, thoughts we believed or made up to make ourselves feel better,truth we created about events done to us or by us, or maybe sin we called being human.
If God wants Truth in my deepest parts - maybe He wants to take us back to these forks in the road and help me get His Truth. Help me to come into agreement with Him. Maybe some of what I'm struggling so hard with right now is because of a series of truths (blocks) that were stacked on my own truth rather than The Truth a long time ago. Going back to the fork in the road isn't fun or easy. Neither is living your life struggling against the same things over and over. Feeling trapped inside a vicious circle and catching a glimpse of The Truth as we pass by is not my idea of living.
So, I'm thankful for the rebuilding process. Even when it's not much fun, even when I don't understand it or agree with it. Even when I protest against it on one day and plead for it on another.
My prayer is not Lord let me live through this... but Lord let me live in you through this.
Help me lean into You everyday and rebuild according to your Truth. Thank you for your patience, thank you for your grace and thank you for your Truth - cuz mine wasn't working out so well.